Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Things to do with Advent/Christmas Pt 13: The Christmas No 1Single

(Press Association)

An area where I am afraid to say I am a musical snob!
Every so often, the British people vote in a way that sometimes makes me question their sanity, their intelligence, their wisdom, and their common sense!
No, nothing political, although when Burnley elected a BNP Councillor I did wonder! No I am talking about that cherished place the public vote!
On Christmas Day the Christmas No 1 single will be announced!
I have given up being outraged, angry, annoyed, and wondering why some people would vote for 'Mr Blobby' because "The children love it!", and have learnt, like other occasional Christmas disapointments, to just bite my lip and shrug my shoulders!
But why should I get so annoyed, we all think that occasionally a song gets to No 1 in the charts which does not merit praise or thanks!
That is true, and unfortunatley it happens often (For example if bands like U2 or Queen, or Radiohead had as many No 1's as, no in fact more No 1's, than Take That, then I would be a happy man), but Christmas is different, at Christmas time there is every need to be afraid because the awful song gets remembered!
VH1 will play it on their '20 Years of Christmas No 1's', people will look back over the years with bewilderment and ask 'What have we done!' and most of all, those songs will end up on Christmas compilations and rake in royalties for the undeserving (actually forget the last bit because it is Christmas and the poor artists involved probably need the money!).
How can this be combated! Well you could remind and shame any fifteen year old in your family by mentioning that it was because of their nagging of their parents that Noel Edmonds' Mr Blobby was the Christmas No 1 in 1993, but that is just petty revenge. One could I suppose, elaborate on one of the scenes in Nick Hornby's High Fidelity and refuse to sell rubbish songs to customers, perhaps a quiz beforehand along the lines of:

SHOP ASSISTANT: Which do you think was the better album, Beggars Banquet or Abbey Road?

CUSTOMER: I'm sorry, I don't know what you are on about?

Would therefore merit automatic refusal because if they lack musical knowledge they may well lack musical taste! Children would also be barred from record shops during the advent season because you just know that they will buy the Teletubbies single or something equally awful!
But this is somewhat facistic, and unworkable, as Pete Waterman is a Wagner fan, and some people just are not exclusive in their good tastes. Not only that but I have my own guilty musical pleasures, although I would never inflict them on people on Christmas Day!
But it's not all bad! For every St Winnifred School Choir's 1980 Christmas No 1 'There's No One Quite Like Grandma' (which I loathe because my maternal gran died suddenly, less than a fortnight before), there is Band Aid's 'Do They Know It's Christmas', which was also for a good cause (although the Stock Aitken Waterman version was awful!), as well as other classics, such as Slade's 'Merry Xmas Everybody'.
So every cloud as a silver lining, but please, please, please, in the name of good music! Encourage everyone to buy classics, not tack that shames the British public for decades to come!
And this year, please encourage people NOT to buy the following this year:

Westlife and Diana Ross
X Factor winner (There are principles involved here)
Crazy Frog (Under no circumstances. It's bad enough that people like this menace!)
Baarmy Sheep
England Cricket Team

Thankyou ;)


Kerron said...

Nizlopi are growing on me. I heard them on Radio 2 th eother day doing some live stuff andquite enjoyed it.

Then again I did plug the JCB song back in early November.


I like it - and the vid - very cute.


Paul Burgin said...

Thats fine Kerron, but does it merit being at No 1 on Christmas Day?

Kerron said...

You prefer Shayne Ward???

Fair enough.

Paul Burgin said...

I get your point