Thursday, March 30, 2006

Single Issues

I have been challenged by Kerron to write about my love life, or rather lack of it! (Yes folks, this is the post I was wary of writing)
It all started when fellow blogger PooterGeek, wrote about his nonexistent lovelife on his blog and Kerron started asking others with the incentive of the Kerron Cross Memorial Crown (The title is a bit longer, but this looks better even if it is somewhat morbid) in honour of his recent non existent lovelife. Being slightly competitive I couldn't resist, although I am a bit unsure about doing this because there is the danger of appearing self-pitying and that might, er, ruin any chances I might have for the next few months.
Fact is, I have been single now for eighteen months (I split up from my last girlfriend in Sept 2004, just before I attended the Labour Party Conference that year and no the two events are not connected, it's just that I remember those painful feelings mixed with the joy of being a delegate making it a bittersweet time. Plus a close friend of mine was tragically killed the previous month).
So how do I feel about being single! Well okayish! I am human, so occasionally I feel those restless pangs of wanting to share my life with someone and miss those simple pleasures such as snuggling with a girlfriend on a sofa watching the TV, going for walks, holding hands and sharing lingering kisses, the usual things, but on the other hand I have achieved much and made more friendships than I might otherwise have done. I am looking, but I am also content with settling for platonic friendships, if I ask a girl out on a date there is a chance that's probably all I am asking. To use the cliche, friendship first, then let's see what develops. Do I get asked about being single? Not very often really! The occasional, "So do you have a girlfriend?" followed by the "So do you have a boyfriend?" followed by the shock that if I am heterosexual and very single why am I not going out on the pull in the local nightclubs, followed by an occasional esoteric discussion and a series of questions when I explain that I am a Christian, so pulling in nightclubs for quick sexual oppurtunites is not my thing.
I wish those conversations were slightly less predictable.
There is also the "You need a girlfriend!" and "I am sure there is someone out there for you!", which is considerate, but begs the question as to whether I do need a girlfriend and is there someone out there for me because if we all have choices, what if myself and/or the One True Romantic Love make a mistake, leading to a form of Woody Allen angst which may have been good for when Annie Hall came out, but is somewhat boring and selfish now!
The other question is whether there is someone I am interested enough to pursue a relationship with right now! Well aside from close platonic female friends, I don't know any girl well enough. Some I like more than others, some I have a soft spot for and would not be averse to having a relationship with, but no one I know well enough or well enough now where I know any romantic feelings I have are unrequited and better off extinguished.
So that's it at the moment. My faith, my family, my friends, my career, my political and writing ambitions are major passions in my life right now, but no relationship as yet! :/


Kerron said...

To have a chance of winning the Kerron Cross Memorial Crown you really need to have been let down badly by a woman at least once (when you've done nothing to justify it).

I'd suggest Damian countlessly being stood up for no reason slightly edges him ahead at the mo! :-)

Paul Burgin said...

Trying to think...
A nasty letter from a girl when I was sixteen, just because I simply asked her out on a date doesn't count does it!
There is the relationship with my first girlfriend, which was not ideal in the slightest, but those involve big and deep factors which are not really for this blog and would be unfair on her if I publicly mentioned them...
Erm... Ah yes I have been stood up on a couple of occasions, but admittedly compared to Damian...
Can I go for runner up!

Kerron said...

Still not heard from Andrew at Bloggers4Labour yet! ;-)

Paul Burgin said...

Oh I am sure he has a more succesful love life than me.
He's more succesful for a start :-)

Neil Harding said...

My last girlfriend but one, after 6 years together, I found her in bed with a so called 'mutual friend'.

He apologised and said 'errr Neil, I think we need to talk'.

Charming eh! She broke my heart. Put me off relationships for a bit. Haven't seen her for years now, still with that bloke from what I know.

You know how relationships can get a bit boring after a bit if you get complacent about stuff.

I realise now I'm better off without her. The last year or so had got pretty argumentative and tedious. Maybe I'm not cut out for this relationship lark. Like you say, friendship is more important. Besides I like living by myself, I can do what I want.

I've sort of been seeing someone (introduced through friends) for the last 8 months but she lives up north and I only see her once every few months. It is very casual and to be honest I think it is just a 'bit of fun', not going anywhere, it is too difficult with such a distance.

By the way, you don't have to be a Christian to want to avoid the disco 'cattle markets'. I gave up on the club pulling scene 10 years ago.

Paul Burgin said...

A I am not saying you have to be a Christian, it's just a primary factor in my decision.

jonathan said...

If anyone wants a good story my first girlfriend dumped me for our biology teacher! I suppose I should stop feeling annoyed about it when you consider that they're apparently still together but it was a bit of a blow to the teenage ego!

Kerron said...

My girlfriend of 5 years left me for a Frenchman she'd just met.

I think that's kind of where we came into this whole situation.

But delighted you have all had bad experiences too! :-)

Paul Burgin said...

So I got off lightly with the nasty letter :/.