Following Jo's post about the merits and problems with canvassing and leafleting during election campaigns, I was wondering what the worst case scenario would be for me:
EXT. HOUSE AT END OF STREET. LONG DRIVEWAY, GATES WITH SECURITY CAMERAS.
PLACRAD ON GATE WALL SAYING "NO JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES, EVANGELISTS, OR JUNK MAIL"
OUR INTREPID HERO CAUTIOUSLY MOVES FORWARD. ONE MINUTE AND THIRTY SECONDS LATER HE RINGS ON THE DOORBELL.
THERE IS NO SOUND FROM THE BELL. HE RINGS IT AGAIN. AGAIN THERE IS NO SOUND.
THEN A MIDDLE AGED MAN, DRESSED IN BURBERRY CLOTHES, AND LOOKING LIKE PRINCE PHILIP COMES TO THE DOOR.
PRINCE PHILIP LOOKALIKE: Hello!
ME: Oh, er hi! As you probably know there is an election this co...
PRINCE PHILIP LOOKALIKE: Yes I am perfectly aware of that. You're Labour aren't you. Horrible little man out to take all my money with council tax.
ME: Well I...
PRINCE PHILIP LOOKALIKE: Pack of Communists with your nanny state ideas. Last week I went to the pub with my friends and I had five tequilas, followed by two Jeroboams of champaigne. On the way home I suffered the impertinence of being stopped by the police and breathalized. Now one more point off my licence and I will probably get banned for six months. Welcome to Blair's police state Britain.
ME: But I..
PRINCE PHILIP LOOKALIKE: And I have to pay a minimum wage to the hired help who have come straight over here from Latvia. Disgraceful. Bad enough we have all these immigrants. Well I have had enough, I have a friend here for the weekend. He will know what to do. (CALLS OUT) Otis.. Otis...
PRINCE PHILIP LOOKALIKE: You have five minutes to get out of the driveway. If you live that long!
ME RUNNING DOWN THE DRIVEWAY AS FAST AS I CAN WITH FIVE ROTWEILERS IN CLOSE PURSUIT.
Canvassing and leafleting doesn't seem so bad now does it! ;)