Tuesday, July 18, 2006

That Bush/Blair Chat (This is what I think happened!)

(Associated Press)
The bold bits are what I think was said during the indecipherable parts of the conversation:

Bush: Yo, Blair. How are you doing?

Blair: I'm just...

Bush: You're leaving?

Blair: No, no, no not yet. On this trade thingy. Sorry, mean trolley. The food trolley thingy! No eggs and bacon. Or muffins either! We were promised those for our G8 lunch! Just what is Putin playing at, giving us black bread and samovas, But, you know, you pays your money you takes your choice! And the service you get here from the waiters?

Bush: Yeah, I told that to the man.

Blair: Are you planning to say that here or not?

Bush: If you want me to.

Blair: Well, it's just that if the discussion arises...

Bush: I just want some movement.

Blair: Yeah.

Bush: Yesterday we didn't see much movement..

Blair: No, no, it may be that it's not, it may be that it's impossible.

Bush: I am prepared to say it.

Blair: But it's just I think that we need to be an opposition...

Bush: Who is introducing the trade?

Blair: Angela [Merkel, the German Chancellor]

Bush: Tell her to call 'em.

Blair: Yes

Bush: Tell her to put him on, them on the spot. Thanks for the sweater - it's awfully thoughtful of you.

Blair: It's a pleasure.

Bush: I know you picked it out yourself.

Blair: Oh absolutely - in fact I knitted it!!!
Bush: What about Kofi? [Annan] - he seems all right. I don't like his ceasefire plan. His attitude is basically ceasefire and everything sorts out.... But I think...

Blair: Yeah, no I think the negotiaton with the waiters is still going on, but Putin did promise some caviar this evening, along with your favourite MacDonald's burger. Plus some Hershey bars for late night snacks. BTW When you said trade, I think you meant sweet trolley. Anyway, Kofi is finding that dealing with these strange waiters who keep changing the menus is really difficult. We can't stop this unless you get this international business agreed.

Bush: Yeah.

Blair: I don't know what you guys have talked about, but as I say I am perfectly happy to try and see what the lie of the land is, but you need that done quickly because otherwise it will spiral.

Bush: I think Condi [US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice] is going to go pretty soon.

Blair: But that's, that's, that's all that matters. But if you... you see it will take some time to get that together.

Bush: Yeah, yeah.

Blair: But at least it gives people...

Bush: It's a process, I agree. I told her your offer to...

Blair: Well... it's only if I mean... you know. If she's got a..., or if she needs the ground prepared as it were... Because obviously if she goes out she's got to succeed, if it were, whereas I can go out and just talk.

Bush: You see the irony is what they need to do is get Syria, to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's all over...

Blair: You mean..

Bush: Its true. CIA have told me that the catering company here is working for Hezbollah and that they keep switching the food. They might also be connected with Saddam, Al Queda, and guess who else?

Blair: Dunno... Syria....

Bush: Why?

Blair: Because I think this is all part of the same thing...

Bush: (with mouth full of bread) Yeah

Blair: Look - what does he think? He thinks if Lebanon turns out fine. If you get a solution in Israel and Palestine, Iraq goes in the right way

Bush: Yeah, yeah, he is sweet.

Blair: He is honey. And that's what the whole thing is about. It's the same with Iraq.

Bush: I felt like telling Kofi to call, to get on the phone to Assad and make something happen.

Blair: Yeah

Bush: Because if I don't get my Big Mac and caviar tonight, then...

Blair: Don't worry. I have told the MoD that we will put a blockade on the Canadians sending Maple Syrup to the Lebanese. We will give them honey instead!

Bush: We are not blaming the Lebanese government.

Blair: Is this...? [Blair taps the microphone in front of him and the sound is cut.]


Andrea said...

but you haven't solved the mistery about who the hell is "honey" and "sweet"?

Paul Burgin said...

Seriously. Have no idea, although I suspect Kofi Annan, given the context

Andrea said...

I think Ann Treneman got totally wrong in The Times suggesting that "honey" was Syria President:

"Everyone was disappointed that Mr Blair had reverted to calling Syria’s President Assad by his real name and not, as he did when live, “Honey”. "

I mean it's impossible! what's next? Calling Clare Short "lovely"?!

Paul Burgin said...