Speeding Tickets

Iain Dale has mentioned on the things people say that guarentee them a speeding ticket. Brought a smile to my face, but what he didn't mention is what is likely to be going through a policeman's mind when he hears these excuses, so allow me to fill you in (thoughts being in italics):

1. I pay your salary.(Arrogant little git! Wonder if he's drunk! Think I'll teach this jumped up **** a lesson)
2. Haven't you got anything better to do? (I would, if it wasn't for ****** like you who put others lives at risk as well as your own!)
3. I'm going to miss my flight now. (Didums. Shouldn't have done it in the first place, and if you think I am going to submit to emotional blackmail or a possible lie, then you are mistaken. In any case, this means if I let you go, you will continue speeding and someone might end up dead!)
4. Please don't - I've already got 9 points. (A ha! A conesseour!)
5. I've got three babies in the back, don't let them see this.(More concerned about you then them were you? Enough to put their lives at risk!)
6. My wife/child/aunt is dying in hospital! (Well I am sure you don't want to join them!)
7. Someone else was driving. He ran off that way. (Yes, I'll mention that to Inspector Morse!)
8. While you're here, I'm being harassed by my neighbour. (So!)
9. I was too busy talking on my mobile phone and didn't notice the speed. (Oh, so you were breaking another law as well!)
10. The accelerator was stuck on. (Would be interested to know when it was last serviced!)

Iain then goes on to say:

I must say that the line "I've just been slagging off John Prescott on Newsnight and I am rushing home to watch it on TV, officer," always seems to work for me...

Depends where you are when you get stopped Iain! ;)